9 Underrated Newborn Items

If you read my last blog, you know I’ve been dwelling on helpful & not-so-much newborn items. I blame my friends that are pregnant for this, because my mind is whirling about thinking about great baby shower gifts. Also, I head back to teaching in a couple weeks & let’s face it: Teachers are always having babies. It’s never a bad idea to have some gift ideas running on the back burner. A couple days ago I shared with you some overrated newborn items, so to balance things out, today I’m going to share with you some underrated items.  Here are 9 items I have loved & appreciated that maybe, just maybe don’t cross the shower-shopper’s mind…

  1. Diaper Bag Backpack. This was easily an essential for having twin newborns. When you’re toting around 2 car seats, you don’t have an extra arm or hand to carry around the diaper bag, and your spouse isn’t always readily available. Enter: Diaper bag backpack. 
  2. Various Bottle Brands. Bottles were trial and error for us at first. I was thankful some people didn’t heed my registry and bought us different bottles to try. What works for one baby doesn’t always work for both. What works at one developmental point isn’t what’s best at a later developmental point. I’m pretty sure we’ve tried them all and, sadly, as I feared, for us Dr. Brown won. 
  3. Babybum Paddles. Pet peeve: Diaper rash cream under my nails. The smell is atrocious. But these little bum spatulas take that annoyance away. Yes, these are so extra, yes, I love them anyway. 
  4. Fuzzy Blankets.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: These are the best. My boys are super cuddly and love a soft feeling in their hands or by their cheek. 
  5. Storage Containers & Bins. You cannot have enough for organizing all the tiny items. I am convinced. 
  6. Bottle Soap. This soap is specifically designed to break down the residue that milk and formula leave behind. Super gentle at the same time. 
  7. Outfit Sets. I didn’t register our twins for clothes. We were gifted so many gently used clothes. But I was always super tickled (& still am) to receive outfit sets. You know why? Because I keep them clipped together. They match. I don’t have to sort through tops & bottoms to find matches. Life made easier. 
  8. High Chairs & Other Toddler-Esque Items. People love to love on newborns. But what about toddlers? Kids that eat solids? Several people thought of this and I have those items thoughtfully stores away for the day they come of need, and bonus: It’s an expense we won’t have to foot. 
  9. Larger Diapers. Sooo many newborn diapers. Which we later had changed for sizes we lacked. I appreciate those who thought ahead and bought the size 3-5.
Advertisements

9 Overrated Newborn Items

It’s all in personal preference, but here are 9 items I’ve found to be overrated since we brought the twinfants home in March. (In no particular order.)

  1. Muslin Swaddle Blankets. These things were a joke for our boys. First of all, I had to watch numerous YouTube videos on how to swaddle properly. Then when I did figure it out, my babies could wiggle right on out within 10 minutes. So much for sound sleep. We use them as regular blankets instead now. Better suggestion: SwaddleMe Velcro Sleep Sacks. 
  2. Wipeable Changing Pad Cover. I like the idea of this. Especially when baby is small and pees on the changing table. However, that wipeable material…stays cold. My babies didn’t like being put on that cold material. Better suggestion: Minky changing of cover. Soft and textured for baby to rub hands on during changing. 
  3. Baby Lotion. We’ve used baby lotion like once in 4 months. There just hasn’t been a need for it. Better suggestion: Moisturizing baby wash. 
  4. Receiving Blankets. Okay, I feel like I’m gonna catch some heat here, but so be it. We actually have 50+ of these blankets, a very popular baby shower gift. Our babies were not interested in these. They do get used though, we put them on babies’ laps while we feed and burp them to catch spit up mostly. Better suggestion: Fuzzy Blankets. Warmer and textured. 
  5. Baby Hats, Mittens, & Socks. Admittedly we had spring babies, so there was little need for these items to begin with. We did use all 3 the first few times we took them out of the house, but never again.  Better suggestion: Fuzzy carseat blanket. 
  6. Cute Bibs. You know the ones with sayings on them like, “Mommy’s Little Man”? Those don’t absorb what my kids are spitting out. Better suggestion: Solid, plain bibs. 
  7. Baby Food/Diaper Tracker Pad. I was told by so many people to keep up with feedings and diaper changes on these (expensive) notepads. No. Too confusing, and who has time to write everything down?  Better suggestion: Baby Connect app. $5 to have all info on baby saved forever. Syncs across all devices (from mommy to daddy to nanny) and you can pull up info immediately to show pediatrician when he says, “How many BMs has baby had this week?” “Hmmm, let me check, oh, 5.”
  8. Baby Music. No, it can wait until toddler years or longer, that is all I’m gonna say about this one.  Better suggestion: Sound machine. 
  9. Dreft Detergent. Maybe we just lucked out, but after the first couple washes where Dreft left all the spitup stains on th it things…I started washing their things in the same detergent we use, and it hasn’t bothered the boys in the slightest. Dreft is easily the most expensive detergent, even if you buy the off brand. Better suggestion: If baby will tolerate it, keep using what you like. 

Catch the blog in a couple days for a similar-themed post. 

I see you, Mama.

I see you, Mama, scrolling through your social media feed and seeing all the other moms back in their pre-pregnancy clothes. I see how your maternity wardrobe is still in use many months postpartum. Me too, Mama. 

I see you, Mama, avoiding the mirror, because it’s just easier on you psychologically. It’s easier to avoid looking into your dark circles, irritated skin, hair falling out by the handful, stretch marks from here to there, loose flabby skin, & surgery wounds…than to jump on the next postpartum diet fad train. Me too, Mama. 

I see you, Mama, body leaking from seemingly everywhere. I see your body constantly getting spit up on, thrown up on, peed on, pooped on. I won’t tell how many days it’s been since you had a real shower, I won’t tell how many minutes after that shower you actually get to feel clean. Me too, Mama, me too. 

I see you, Mama, crying quietly (or not so) in the shower, because you don’t know how one more day, because you just need a minute, because daddy is home right now, because you are so overwhelmed you feel like you’re drowning. Me too, Mama. 

I see you, Mama, asking for advice about baby, only to be berated for how you choose to raise your baby. I see you trying your best, I see you loving your baby, I see you defending your choices, I see the others trying to shame you. Me too, Mama. Stay strong. Keep doing what’s best for your family. 

I see you, Mama, ready to go back to work, but simultaneously feeling guilty about leaving baby & already missing baby. Me too, Mama. 

I see you, Mama, ready for bed, but that’s too bad, because you’re the Mama. I see baby is asleep and now it’s time to wash dishes & bottles, prepare more bottles, put away that load of laundry & start the next one. I see you smirking at that quip, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” because you & I both know if that was always the cause your home would rival the city landfill. Me too, Mama. But maybe you don’t have to take the trash out tonight. 

I see you, Mama, holding baby while he sleeps. I see you dressing baby all cute, leaving no time for you to put on makeup. I see you losing sleep because you don’t wanna miss any moments. I see you in your baby and I know all baby sees is you, Mama, loving him. 



Mother of Boys

At some point, I think it was last November, I woke up & realized I was a mother of boys. You know, boys, noises with dirt on them. Not girls, which as we all know, are giggles covered in glitter. But boys. Our accessories here are bibs and pacifiers on clips. No special bows or headbands to be seen. No skirts, dresses, frilly socks, tights, or tutus to be seen in our home. 

& then they were here.


Some 400+ pictures on my iPhone ago. Two little boys in blankets and blue hats. And they’re still so small but they are such little boys. They flirt with women, they poop, pass gas, spit up and then smile about it. Boys. They fight. Already. They have screaming matches and swatting matches. They want all of mama’s attention. Their clothes ar covered in dinosaurs, sharks, monkeys, fish, turtles, lions, all the animals. They drool all the time & you will probably never not see them donning a bib. 

I know the days are coming. With legos, potty training aiming, mud, trucks, sports, and the like. I can’t think that far ahead. If I start thinking ahead I’ll think about broken bones, broken hearts, & worse. No today I’m thinking about the boy on my lap in the shark romper and the boy sitting in his dad’s lap in a shark onesie with boardshorts. Those boys that look at me like I’m the most important woman in their world today. & I think, in this moment, maybe I am the most important woman to 3 whole people…one of which that now needs a diaper change. 😑

Parenting: It’s a Work of Heart

Today’s blog has contributions from my favorite human: Husbandman, or Fatherman as the littles know him…or maybe you know him as Nathan. 😊

Parenting undoubtedly is making me be the best & worst versions of myself. Growing is never easy, but becoming this better person is difficult on a new level. Becoming a parent not only means becoming a better human, but doing so quickly, because if you don’t, you struggle even longer. It’s like a crash course in further developing the fruits of the Spirit. 

  • Love: Parenting means love. You don’t always like baby, but you will love baby. Liking a person means you have a mutually beneficial relationship. Loving a person means caring for them beyond what they can care for you. Baby doesn’t come out loving you, but you need to love baby. Love means serving baby through the good & bad. You’ll have intense emotions from the start, but parenting means more than emotion, it means you need to love your child as unconditionally (like God) as possible. 
  • Joy: Parenting means joy. & my friend, I don’t know who first told that great big lie, but let me tell you it’s not true-joy & happiness aren’t the same thing. Find the joy in the little moments. In the smell of baby, how baby grasps your finger, looks at you, how baby sleeps trusting you to be there when they wake, a hot shower, a delivery that result in a baby, a complete pregnancy, a job well done, a job you just started. 
  • Peace: Okay, admittedly, I have to really think about how peace & parenting went together. I think you have to work for peace. Peace in the middle of the night when the laundry is finally done. Peace in the early morning when the kids are still sleeping. Peace when you get to drink your coffee and it is still hot. Parenting is about making peace. When the kids are crying or fighting. Making peace with the changes. Finding peace in the hand God has given you. Peace in the good and bad moments, knowing that neither last very long. 
  • Patience: Parenting means patience. Patience for baby to arrive. Patience for the bottle warmer to heat the milk. Patience for baby to latch on. Patience when baby doesn’t sleep at night. Patience when baby is crying (again). Patience through exhaustion. Patience while waiting in line with baby at the store. Patience when baby starts crying while you’re driving the car. Patience with yourself because things aren’t the same. Patience with your body as it grows, changes, & heals. Patience with your spouse as they change. Patience with the new dyynamics in your marriage & friendships. I could type for hours on this topic. 
  • Kindness: Parenting is about kindness. Not judging yourself or others. Everyone parents differently. Kindness in listening to advice, giving it gingerly. Kindness in giving away what you don’t need, to those that do need. Kindness for your spouse who just needs 15 more minutes of sleep, so you deal with baby. Kindness in preparing different areas of the home for all possible disasters, because lets be real, baby is a (not yet) walking disaster. Challenge: Find more ways to be kind every day.
  • Goodness: Parenting is developing goodness. Developing morality in baby. Goodness means selflessly acting on behalf of others. Goodness means being consistent in word & deed. Consistently working toward shaping Baby into the person we would like to be. 
  • Faithfulness: Having a child means God was faithful to give you the desire of your heart, He has faith that you’ll do your best. You’ll need faithfulness to attend church, to believe and have faith that God will provide, having faith that baby will be okay, faith that you’ll be okay, faith that you’ll make it through. 
  • Gentleness: Parenting means gentleness. First you have to learn to be gentle with your body as it changes to accommodate another life. Gentleness with the tiny, helpless human from the moment they’re born. Gentleness in voice, to speak gently to baby. Gentleness with yourself because becoming a parent is hard-you don’t need to beat yourself up. Life needs more gentleness, let it begin with you. 
  • Self-Control: Parenting means self-control. Pulling yourself together because you’re the one handling postpartum hormones. Controlling yourself because it’s not baby’s fault, baby doesn’t understand. Self-control might mean doing things you don’t want to do, it also might mean crying by yourself in the bathroom before you see the rest of your family. Self-control is a more difficult fruit than I ever imagined in parenting. 

30 Movies We Love to Hate

For today’s blog I welcome my dear friend, Lori Richardson, as a guest contributor. Today we bring you our definite list of 30 of the saddest movies that we have love/hate relationships with. Guaranteed to make you cry, to be there for you the next time you need to wallow or even when you’re feeling sentimental. ⚠️ Warning: Spoilers ahead! ⚠️

Category 1:  Childrens’ Films

  • Dumbo
    • Dumbo’s mom reaching through the circus cart bars to hold baby Dumbo.  I still can’t watch this movie, guys.
  • Up
    • The first 8 minutes of Up is guaranteed to make you cry.  Carl & Ellie grow up, get married, want a baby, find out she’s infertile, will never have a baby, and then she dies.
  • The Fox & the Hound
    • The widow that raises the fox, Todd, leaves Todd alone in the woods and he just sits there not understanding as she drives away.
  • Meet the Robinsons
    • Lewis travels back in time to watch his mom drop him off at the orphanage. And he almost, almost stops her. But he lets her leave him behind.  Happy tears later in the film:  He gets adopted by all the best people.
  • Monsters, Inc.
    • “Kitty?” Boo looking for Sully.  Also, Mike rebuilding the door for Sully, & the reunion.
  • Inside Out
    • “Take her to the moon for me.”Bing Bong
  • Bambi
    • Bambi’s mother is killed by a hunter.  He goes searching for her & calling out for her.
  • Homeward Bound
    • When Shadow falls into the hole & lays his head down, essentially giving up.  Oh, my heart!
  • The Brave Little Toaster
    • Confession:  TBLT scarred me for years.  It has themes of abandonment, worthlessness, psychotic breakdowns…those poor appliances.  I’m 75% sure this is why I have separation anxiety at the ripe old age of 28.
  • The Land Before Time
    • After saving their lives, Littlefoot’s mom dies.  “Mom, get up, please get up. Please, mom.”

Category 2:  Books Turned Films

  • Charlie St. Cloud
    • His little brother dies because of a car accident he caused.
  • The Time Traveler’s Wife
    • After going back & forth in time, trying to have a baby, the time traveler dies.
  • The Vow
    • Boy meets girl, boy loves & marries girl, boy & girl want to have a baby, boy & girl are in a car wreck, girl loses memory, boy spends entire film trying to help her remember, she never remembers.
  • P.S. I Love You
    • Husband finds out he’s going to die from a brain tumor, writes his wife letters & provides gifts to send to her postmortem.p.s. i love you
  • The Fault in our Stars
    • You spend the whole film thinking the girl is about to die.  The boy dies.
  • Me Before You
    • We all think she’s going to talk him out of euthanasia.  She doesn’t.  He still commits assisted suicide, even after falling in love with her.
  • A Walk to Remember
    • Popular boy unwittingly falls in love with dorky girl, even though she told him not to.  She has cancer.  They get married.  She dies.
  • A Little Princess
    • A little girl ends up in an orphanage because her daddy dies.  She is treated horribly.  Happy ending.
  • The Last Song
    • A girl is mad at her father for many reasons, but he ends up dying around the same time she forgives him.
  • Marley & Me
    • The dog dies.  Enough said.
  • The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
    • Don’t even watch it.  You don’t have enough tissues.

Category 3: Deadly Sad Films

  • Raise Your Voice
    • Terri is in a car accident with her brother, the brother dies.  She goes to art school & write a song about him.  Sings it for her final.
  • The Family Stone
    • When they hang up the photo at the end, after she dies.  BRB getting a tissue.family stone
  • Sweet Home Alabama
    • When the dog dies & they’re talking in the cemetary.
  • Titanic
    • “Jack?  Jack?  Jack!” *whistle blowing*
  • Armageddon
    • Aw, Harry, your sacrifice was epic.
  • Atonement
    • I actually hate this movie more than love it.  Probably the only one on the list I’d say that about.  Let me break it down for you.  A younger sister doesn’t understand what she sees, tells a lie, sends a boy to prison, he never gets to reunite with his true love, everybody dies.
  • My Girl
    • & this my friends, is why people with bee allergies always carry their epi-pens in 2017.
  • Moulin Rouge
    • They fight so hard to make things work.  Nicole Kidman still dies of consumption.
  • Life As We Know It
    • As a new parent, I don’t think I can watch this one now.  A couple die in a car accident, leaving their child to their 2 best friends.  The little baby asking for mama and crying might just kill me now.

Do you have any other contenders? Weepy films? Let us know. BRB, hiding films from myself to avoid cryfest 2017.

Recipe: A Working Marriage

Ingredients:

  • A Pinch of Spark
  • A Dash of Humor
  • 1 1/2 Cup of Joy 
  • 1/2 Cup of Kindness
  • 1 Tablespoon of Patience 
  • 1/4 Cup of Peace
  • 2 Cups of Forgiveness 
  • 3 Cups of Humility 
  • Love (as needed)
  • 8 oz. of Snacks

Directions:

  • Preheat oven to withstand judgment from others.
  • Mix spark, humor, & joy until an inkling forms. 
  • In a separate bowl combine kindness, patience, & peace until a warm loaf rises. 

  • Stir inkling & warmth until relationship forms. Bake for a few months until crust appears.
  • Meanwhile, mix forgiveness & humility. Frost it over entire relationship to form marriage. 
  • Drizzle love over the marriage & offer love dipping sauce when served. 
  • Optional: Serve with snacks to maintain a fresh marriage. 
  • Advanced Prep: Add in distance, children, unemployment, sickness, or life in general for a different flavor profile. 

You’ve Got A Friend In Me

Once upon a time it went something like this:

“You can borrow my green crayon.”

“I like your shoes!”

“Can you believe Mr. Carter’s last test?”

“Can I sit here?”


& that’s how a friendship started.  Or something like that.  Because once upon a time, making friends was easier.  When we were kids we didn’t have jobs and we had forced commonalities.  Our job was school, which we sometimes took seriously, and sometimes didn’t.  We were forced to see the same people day after day.  People our age, our gender.  Really, a classroom full of people learning the same things, going through the same issues, it was a recipe for friends.  Even as our personalities developed and we found there were people we didn’t want to befriend, as we grew up and went off to college, there were still more people we could be friends with than not.  People interested in the same fields of study, living in the same dorm, in the same societies, in the same churches, etc.  We took it for granted, making friends was easier than not.

Now here we are, almost thirtysomethings and we are socially inept.  We’ve become picky and selective as time has passed.  It becomes harder and harder to make friends.  Sure, we are surrounded by people with the same interests, but I don’t want to talk about my job in my free time, and that’s what I have in common with the majority of people I know these days.  Because you know what happens when colleagues hang out in their free time?  They complain.

So maybe I make friends with people now that I have other things in common with.  Like marriage. The majority of people I know aren’t married, they’re single.  The fact that I’m married seems to make single people uncomfortable, though I’m not entirely sure why, it’s not like I talk about my husband all the time.  I find single people are always asking me about how we met, or telling me how I cannot understand the dating scene, or complaining about how they’re single.  I find solace in a couple of married people that I know; though we have very little else in common.

So maybe I make friends with people that have babies?  The problem here is that all my friends are at different stages in their lives, and most aren’t with newborns right now, let alone twins.  What do I do, walk around a park with my babies like, “I too have made tiny humans, want to be my friend?” Even still the competitive nature of mothers stresses me out.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m friendly to people at work, at church, etc. However, the problem lies in my inability to maintain friendships. At the risk of sounding lame, I’m honestly just so tired. I’m a full time teacher, full time wife, full time mom of twins; I’m a part time housekeeper and personal shopper who is just trying to make it to church on time. Right now I just don’t know if I can find the time to be a full time friend.  Furthermore, I’m not willing to trade out any other facets of my life to make room for “hang time.”  These days my hang time includes small humans hanging out in my arms or across my lap.


I read the texts, almost never answer phone calls, I take too many pictures of my kids, talk about my students with immense pride, & am generally stressed out with my completely blessed life. I just don’t find the time for people that can’t tolerate these things about me currently. 

So here I find myself, closest to the people that I’ve known since high school.  All women at different stages in their lives. I don’t really know how to make more friends, I just focus on maintaining the ones I have, hoping they understand that during this phase of life I need an extra dose of grace. 

So here’s to you thirtysomething, feeling alone in your life.  I’m right there with you.  I’m here for you, shoot me a text…I’ll get back to you eventually (eventually being naptime).✌🏻

I’m Sorry, Twins

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because we had so many doctors appointments while you were on the inside. Once a week, twice a week. I know you hated getting pushed, poked, & prodded. Your twin did enough of that in his free time. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because our life together is so loud. Loud from crying, shouting, & playing together. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you have to be patient from such a young age. Always waiting for your turn, sometimes quietly, sometimes not. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because people always ask, “Who was born first?” While we all wonder, does it really matter? You’re so special & unique. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because people always ask, “Are they identical?” I’m sorry because I know you’ll deal with that the rest of your lives. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because my body decided to drop eggs like confetti.  I take all the blame. I tell myself daily God knew what He was doing. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because we silently compare you in our minds as you grow, seeing all the differences & wondering what’s normal & should we worry. You’re two different people, you grow differently. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you’ll rarely get alone time…but at least you’ll never be lonely. 

Logan & Lincoln 3 weeks old


I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you can’t choose your best friend. Sorry, you were born with him. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you used to be womb mates and now you’re roommates. No break for you, little twin. You know sharing space before most kids can say their name. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because your parents can’t hold you all the time. There are just too many babies in our home. You learn independence earlier than most. I promise we still love you and want to hold you just the same. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because we don’t get that special time together. You know, when a married couple have their first baby and they bring him home and watch their baby grow up and spend all their time with him? I am so sorry little twin, but you have to share that special time that most families take for granted. It’s not that we’re missing anything, but it’s just much more stressful than peaceful in our home than others.  

Logan & Lincoln 14 weeks old


I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you don’t have your own clothes right now, or bibs, or really anything. Everything is shared. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because mama gets stressed out & exhausted twice as fast. I know other moms have more fun in their days, while we just make it through a lot of days. I promise I’m doing my best most days. I’m secretly hoping this means you’ll be more relaxed adults one day. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you won’t have a puppy. We got you a sibling instead, enjoy. (He has to be potty trained just like a puppy…)

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because you won’t have all the newest toys or clothes growing up. You’ll have hand-me-downs from other families. Just remember there was a time when your parents had to diaper 2 babies, potty train 2 babies, buy clothes & shoes for 2 growing babies, 2 car seats, 2 spots in childcare, 2 everything. I’m sorry, but while money may be thin, happiness we will have in spades. 

I’m sorry you’re a twin, because this apology isn’t even really an apology. Twin life is all you know, all we know. I pray daily that being a twin makes you better men one day. I have faith that God knew what He was doing when He sent you to Earth together. I cherish the years God gives us together, through all the struggles & all the joys.

I know the day will come when you guys play together & I can drink my coffee in peace while other people struggle with their toddler & newborn. #smallwin

What’s wrong with my daughter?

“I’ve looked over Alyssa’s file. I see over the years she’s been tested & screened for a lot of things. Autism, Asperger’s, social anxiety, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, selective mutism, giftedness,” the counselor said.

“Yes, everyone has been trying to figure out what’s wrong with my daughter.  She seems unhappy. She does well enough in school. She has friends. She’s so unhappy though. There has to be something more we can do for her. Some medication to fix her,” said the mom.

“I’ve talked to her. She has big holes in her memory from coping with trauma. Too many bad things have happened to her. She’s smart, she knows she hasn’t done anything to deserve them.  There’s nothing wrong with your daughter.  She’s just angry,” the counselor said, “and she may be angry for a long time. Medication isn’t going to make her forget, the only thing that she needs is the healing hand of time.”

“But I need you to fix her,”  said the now-crying mother.

Now picture it with me:  12 year old Alyssa, sitting on a bench in the hallway outside the counselor’s office, hearing this conversation that I was clearly not meant to hear.  I don’t remember a good portion of my childhood, but I remember this conversation clearly.  I remember being angry as they sat there discussing how I was broken, needing to be fixed, not good enough in my current state.  A discussion between a woman that barely knew me and a mother that had barely raised me.  I didn’t cry, but I was angry enough to cry.


She was right though, I was angry.  I would be angry for years to come.  I’m still much more prone to anger than sadness.  My mom was prone to sadness and I chose not to be sad, being sad meant being like my mom, and being like my mom made me angry.  Every time I felt mistreated for the rest of her life, I’d let her know I hadn’t forgotten.  I knew my level of anger was ungodly.  Hatred akin to murder was what stirred in my heart.  I read scripture about angry hearts.  I knew I needed to let go, but I was immature. I didn’t let go for years.

I was 17 before I started loosening my grip on the anger. I’d say I was 19 or so before I could say I had truly forgiven many people. It was a shame I waited so long, I only had 2 more years with my mom & the damage alcohol & prescription drugs had done to her mind…were just that-done. 

She had a peaceful daughter those last few years. I was removed from home, away at college, the space was healthy for me. I wish I could just tell her one more time while she was still mentally present that I wasn’t mad anymore, that all the bad had culminated to make my life, me, into something better and that I was going to be okay.

I take it as a personal lesson these days. A lesson you might want to heed as well. It’s not worth it to stay mad. It’s poison for your soul. Not to mention it’s sinful and leaves you lonely, with a hard heart.  What’s that quip? Let go & let God.

Accurate.