Somedays

Some days are tough days.

Today was some day. Today one of my not-quite-9-Months-old twins had a day. Today he was finicky. Today he was persnickety. Today he was all kinds of particular and peculiar.

Maybe it was the cold he’s getting over. Perhaps it’s yet another mental leap. I suppose his acid reflux flared up again. Who knows? I’m just a mom that doesn’t speak smallish person. I can only interpret.

Today he refused two different solid foods. He didn’t finish his bottles, yet begged for more. He didn’t want to play with his twin. He wanted to be held but to be fiercely independent. He wanted to play, but only his way. And then there was the whining. The whimpering. The fake crying. The shouting. The flailing. How about crying when brother crawled over to hand him a toy? He didn’t want to nap, but rubbed his eyes. There wasn’t a fever.

Then he peed on Daddy. While Daddy cleaned up himself, I took care of the baby. I tried all the things. Fed him. Changed him. Held him. He was all cleaned up and in his jammies.

Then he threw up. Everywhere. Out his nose even. So I cleaned him up again. Stripped him down. Daddy bathed him. Then Daddy had to get clean again. Dressed him on new jammies and wrapped him for bed. Fed him, so he wouldn’t cry again for food in 20 minutes. Burped him. More reflux medicine.

He’s quiet now. Laying here watching me and his eyelids equally.

Some days are rough days. Today was a tough day for Logan-bear. It’s easy to get frustrated or mad. I picture Noah shouting at Allie in The Notebook, “What do you want?!”

& then I remember he almost wasn’t. He could’ve been a lost one or a not one. He simply could’ve not been here. We shouldn’t have had kids, let alone twins. Second twins struggle more.

& then I remember my dearest friends, my friends that would cut off their right hand for a baby and all his problems. Just to have a child to call their own.

& I remember how my baby looks like me. & he smiles like me. Simultaneously the goofy guy & the serious little man. & I can’t imagine doing anything else than spending my Wednesday night with him, his brother, & his father. All my men, brought into my life by God’s gracious hand.

& I take the some days, even covered in pee & vomit, and I hold them close to my heart because I know some days aren’t forever & some days don’t even exist for others.

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