I Don’t Know You

 So this thought has been rumbling around in my brain lately. My babies are 7 months old now. They’re not squishy & new, but I like them so much more now. 

They have definitive personalities. They are night & day, truly my Sun and Moon. They’re growing teeth (well, Lincoln is), sitting unsupported (95% of the time),crawling & pulling up, and babbling. We had our first words and they sleep well. They’re happy kids, smart & social. Lincoln did a modeling gig and if Logan hadn’t had bad reflux that day he would’ve, too; so I can only assume they’re beautiful boys. 

Lincoln & Logan, 7 Months Old

I’ve never been prouder of anything I’ve ever made. They’re people. My children are redemption for me. Redemption from the family I came from, from the family I survived. I have my own family now. One where no one drinks or does drugs. One where my kids know they’re loved and treated like people instead of animals. I find redemption in my home. I find love here. 

I also find people I expect to be part of their lives…absent. It’s discouraging. I could bring my kids to them, but honestly I am too tired. Twins are a lot of work. My kids are great. The world hasn’t screwed them up yet. We haven’t screwed them up yet.  They’re so small. Still new. Perfectly lovable. I can’t think of a reason anyone wouldn’t love them. But all the same, the missing presence speaks volumes to my mama heart. 

The people that love Lincoln & Logan love them fiercely. I’m so thankful. I was just talking to a dear friend the other day sharing with her that the greatest thing is watching people who love you…loving your kids. If you can’t love my sons, let me clear, right now it’ll be hard for me to love you…because they are the best thing I currently have to offer the world. My great hope is that they will improve this world instead of adding to its detriment. 

If my best isn’t good enough, you know where the door is, I won’t beg you to be in their life. Or mine. ✌🏻But just know, you’re missing out. 

Aunt Lala loving on her twinephews.

Uncle Patrick & Taylor on day 1.

Grandpa John & Logan


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