It was a passing comment that spurred me to write today’s blog. It wasn’t even a comment made to me, but it was about my children-so I have definite thoughts on it. Our nanny was out with the twins, and I suppose their stroller does take up a good bit of space and a man waiting in line behind her was inconvenienced trying to move around them and said something along the lines of, “You should have controlled that, two too many,” remarking about my twins.
She was nicer than I would have been, to be honest, but she was so angry that she called me to tell me about the man & his remark. As my husband said, “He should’ve kept his thoughts to himself.”
I get it. I spend all day with my first grade students and often refer to them as my kids. I spend so much time with them that I accept responsibility for them and I love them. I know our nanny feels the same way about our twins. She spends all day with them and loves them and cares for them while we do our jobs; because let’s be real having twins requires 2 salaries.
At first I was angry about that man. Lately however, I’ve been praying for him; this opinionated, arrogant, ignorant man. This man doesn’t know how many women struggle to have children. This man doesn’t know that their nanny isn’t their young mother. This man doesn’t know their mother is 29 and a public school teacher. This man doesn’t know how refreshing it can be taking 8 month old twins out of the house for a change of scenery. He doesn’t know how much effort it takes to get them out of the house, into the car seats, then into the stroller, pack up the gear and back again. He doesn’t know about vanishing twin syndrome. He doesn’t know that a dear friend of mine was touched by it while I was pregnant and that I was so scared to lose “baby b” the same way. He doesn’t know that I cried when we made it to 15 weeks and found out the twins were boys. He doesn’t know that my OBGYN doesn’t perform abortions or multiple eliminations like other doctors. He doesn’t know the risks and horrors I put my body through to carry these twins full term and healthy. He doesn’t know that I cried when Logan made it to the 20 week mark which raised his odds of surviving our multiple pregnancy significantly. Even if I could’ve controlled how many kids I had, I simply cannot fathom my life without either child. I cannot imagine life with Lincoln, our active bull in a china shop, always hungry, a little bit chunky, smiley and happy. I cannot imagine life with Logan, our goofy little guy, always sticking his tongue out, constantly shouting for Dada.
This man probably knows that it’s hard to have twins, but what he doesn’t know is God chose twins for us for reasons even we don’t know. He doesn’t know that these are likely our only children. He doesn’t know how many people love our children, and how we endeavor to give them a normal life full of love.
I wish I could say this was the first time I heard this kind of comment about our children. It’s not. I’m not angry anymore. Who can be angry when they have 2 happy (even if they do have colds) babies looking up at them?